JAN 13 — Recently, an article written by Nadine al-Bedair My Four Husbands and I created a furor among the Saudi conservatives. The said essay was picked up by the English media, though it hardly mustered a mention in Malaysia.
Reading it, I thought Khaled Diab’s analysis of al Bedair’s prose as honest, practical and that Bedair put forth her arguments wittily.
Diab commented, “Nadine al-Bedair quite sensibly posed the logical question: if Muslim men are entitled to marry up to four wives, why can’t women, in the spirit of equality between believers, have four husbands?
“I have long questioned why it is men have a monopoly on this right. No one has been able to explain to me convincingly why it is I’m deprived of the right to polyandry,” she complains.
The outspoken Saudi then goes on to deconstruct and question the traditional justifications for polygamy, including that, in a traditional patriarchal society, it is a shelter for widows, divorcees and women who can’t find a spouse; that men have greater sexual appetites than women and get easily bored; that women can’t handle more than one man; and that, if women could have multiple husbands, determining paternity would not be possible (an excuse made obsolete by modern science).”
“They tell me that I, as a woman, can’t handle more than one man physically. I say that women who cheat on their husbands and the ‘sellers of love’ [ie. prostitutes] do much more,” she counters.
I have to agree: what makes people think that women are truly the weaker sex and can barely handle one man’s ferocious appetite for sex?
Because I know many women who play out of their relationships and marriages, and there’s a growing number of polyamorous types walking and living in this city.
And do think about it: with women being more educated and financially independent, what can ONE MAN offer her? Not all men are good in bed, you know.
One man for love, one man for money, one man for sex and one man for great deep meaningful conversation.
And before you boys get riled up and start waving your er, ‘keris’ to prove your manhood, observe the more up-market hotel lounges and coffeehouses. Those ladies who lunch and look like boiled eggs? You think the boys with them are their SONS?
So. Let’s say we want to halalkan zina. Perhaps by legitimising the affairs, women too should be allowed four husbands.
“Ha? You dah gila ke. Laki satu pun dah pening, nak empat lagi?” A friend was incredulous.
Ah, ladies. This is where we err. Allow me to quote a good friend who is KL’s style maven: Dzireena Mahadzir. In her last column she told us to think like a man. And to think like a man is to compartmentalise. Remember!
One man for love
One man for money.
One man for sex
One man for great deep meaningful conversation.
You repeat all the four lines 1,000 times a day in front of you mirror. InsyAllah.
I have this friend who’s a Shiite and she’s younger than me. Devout, she has had six husbands already.
“Oh my God, you’re only 30 and you’ve had six husbands?!”
“Dina, I kahwin mutaah! We Shiites can do so!”
“What on earth is that?” Kahwin lari I had heard. Mutaah no.
According to the Jakim website: “Nikah Mutaah (kahwin kontrak) iaitu meletakkan syarat untuk menjadi pasangan suami isteri buat sementara atau beberapa tahun sahaja.
Para fuqaha’ telah bersepakat telah menyatakan bahawa kahwin mut’ah hanya dibenarkan pada awal perkembangan Islam.Kebenaran pada masa itu adalah dengan tujuan untuk memperkembangkan Islam dan setelah hari pembukaan Mekah perkahwinan seperti itu telah diharamkan dan pengharaman tersebut adalah selama-lamanya. Ia bukan suatu yang bidaah atau yang baru diada-adakan cuma ada antara mazhab dalam Syiah yang membenarkan perkahwinan tersebut.
Dan pada masa ini, berlaku juga persetujuan bersama pasangan suami isteri tentang tempoh tertentu sebagai syarat perkahwinan untuk kepentingan peribadi, harta benda dan sebagainya samada disedari ataupun tidak bahawa meletakkan tempoh tertentu sebagai syarat itu pun menyebabkan tidak sah akad. .” [1], [2]
Wah, I also want la. I want to be Malaysia’s Elizabeth Taylor! I want I want!
Now what is the argument against polyandrous women?
The very enlightening and humorous book on genetics and evolution Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa explains what monogamy, polygyny and polyandry are. Monogamy is the marriage of one man to one woman while polygyny is the marriage of one man to more than one woman.
Polyandry is the marriage of one woman to more than one man. Polygamy is the more popular term for polygyny, though the term refers to both.
“Now, the fact that polyandry is very rare in human society decidedly does not mean that married women have always been faithful to their husbands and mated with one man. On the contrary, human females have been promiscuous throughout their evolutionary history.”
The issue of paternity arises as men decide to stake claims on their progeny, and while polygynous men would be able to discern whose child is whose (which wife), with polyandrous women, it would be much, much harder. Sperm from different males have to fight with each other to impregnate the female.
Which is why the human penis is shaped the way it is.
The book quoted Gordon G Gallup and his collaborators. “The shape of the human penis… is shaped like a wedge.”
When a human male and human female copulate, the thrusting motions the penis makes “would be to draw foreign semen back away from the cervix…
“So in the case of polyandrous females, their males partners will be competing to scoop out rival sperms.
“In other words, the human penis is a semen displacement service.”
It’s a shovel.
So there you have it, my dear readers. The scientific reason behind the move against polyandry: safeguarding your progeny. Me Tarzan you Jane and this is my monkey.
Truth is, at least among my women friends and me, fidelity and monogamy are the most practical options. I quote another friend, “Aiyo, kalau one man dah berapa round, ni nak empat, mati keras aku woi…”
Readers with no sense of humour are not allowed to read my column.
Readers who think they are smarter than everyone else who reads TMI are not allowed to read my column.
Readers who think they are the next Messiah and already have a place in Heaven definitely CANNOT read my column.
[1] Note to readers: you are all Malaysians. If you can quarrel about the Allah issue, you can translate the above into English yourself.
[2] Note to readers II: yes, I am too lazy to translate it for you.
When you're down, look inside yourself. Find your inspiration and motivation. When you're down, look around yourself. Find the people in your life who have supported you all this while.
Then finally, ask yourself. Why after being blessed with all these and yet you are not happy.
No other things in life will matter more than how you live your life. Seek not the path that will take you no where but despair but instead find the way that will inspire you and push you forward in life. Looking back won't change what is already done but looking forward can change that which has not yet been done.
thang says: i gues like it or not watever ppl around say will affect u in some way some more n some less tats allso in the end u gotta look into urself n do d thing tat u feel is most right regardless of hu u r dealing with.
And from her collections of quotations.
"And what shall we pray for those who have lost, Not sight of the goal, But sight of the cost? Many a finish, Many an end, For enemy, for lover, For betrayer, for friend
Prayers may not change things for you but it may change you for things.
Listened to this song and thought of you. =) You know who you are. Enjoy.
Short Note from Writer ,
Wrote this yesterday. It's about that friend that you've held a grudge with for such a long time that you forget what the conversation was about.
Hope you like! :)
Much Love, Chris
When The Lights Burn Out By Chris Cendana Copyright 2007
When it's cold, i think of you and things feel like old times And the laughs we had warm me inside my mind is at ease when thinking of you and me Had a fight on our last go round No idea my world would come right down With nothing left to hold It's crazy to know, That you would still be there..
And I want you to know, I'll be here till my hair falls out and shining when the lights burn out I know it's been while but I can't help smile =) When you turn my world upside down
Yes, I know it's been years (feels like years) since we've talked on the phone this long And didn't say who was wrong Let's try to make this right I need some of you in my life
Take some time to reflect on the day that our friendship was set aside By the words that got mixed up in my mind A simple flaw is enough to destroy us all
I admit I was wrong, but dragging this out too long Was enough for me to write this song And say I'm sorry for all the things I've done.
And I want you to know, I'll be here till my hair falls out and shining when the lights burn out I know it's been while but I can't help smile =) When you turn my world upside down
Yes, I know it's been years since we've talked on the phone this long And didn't say who was wrong Let's try to make this right I need some of you in my life When the lights burn out. . .
shadowed city slumbers silently, a second story suite come craving courtship, selected serindipitously crazed copulation, a salacious storm of continuos coitus spread, straddled, conquered. Countless crashed suitors strewn carelessly center, silken sheets sensously caressing soft skin, contentedly sleeps your mom. XD
Did spring cleaning for my room today, and found traces of high school everywhere, from books to magazines. Can't help noticing how much of our lives are wired together, tangled in a web dusty year books that preserved our memories for good. Hardly surprising, considering the fact that we are sisters after all. Though many would have beg to differ at our clashing characteristics in every way. But to say that me and her are like fire and water would be incorrect. True to life, we do not compliment each other at all. But unlike fire and water, when pushed together, we can make quite a inferno team.
Maybe it's cause our weaknesses were slapped onto each other faces so blatantly and unwillingly we learn to work around each other or maybe it's cause we simply know too much of what makes us tick, hence pushing out the better bits.
Or maybe it's simply cause we know too much.
Perhaps, it would be more spot on to say we're more like oil and water, able to mix, but better off separated. After all, what can you do with water mixed with oil?
You know how it's like when you try to wash off all the slimy oil from that dish?
I'm still looking for the right detergeant.
Because no matter how hard i scrub, it won't go away.
Most relationships tend to fail Not because of the absence of love Love is always present It’s just that one is being loved too much And the other was being loved too little
Love is magic The more we hide it The more it shows The more you suppress it The more it grows
That’s what love is You take a leap and hold your breath Hoping that one day Someone will catch you
You need to learn to let go when you’re hurting too much Realize that sometimes love just isn’t enough And accept the fact that things aren’t always gonna be the same
Sometimes you think you’re already over a person Until you see them smile at you again You’ll suddenly realize that you’re really not
Love is like handing someone a gun Having them point it at your heart And trusting them never to pull the trigger
If I had to choose between loving you and breathing I would use my last breath to tell you that I love you
Love is when you still love that one guy Even though you know he doesn’t
After a while you learn The subtle difference between Holding a hand and chaining a soul And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn That kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes ahead With the grace of a woman Not the grief of a child
And you learn To build all your roads on today Because tomorrow's ground is Too uncertain for plans And futures have a way Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn That even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn That you really can endure That you are really strong And you really do have worth And you learn and you learn With every good bye you learn.
You Would Not Believe Your Eyes If Ten Million Fireflies Lit Up The World As I Fell Asleep Cause They Fill The Open Air And Leave Teardrops Everywhere You'd Think me Rude But I Wouuld Just Stand And stare.
I won't be caught dead with techno trash at most times, but this is pretty awesome =)
